


Sign Me To Sleep

by razadesoare



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Major Character Death - Fandom, Marvel, avenger x reader, bucky barnes x deaf!reader, bucky barnes x reader - Fandom, forgive me - Fandom, lots of angst - Fandom, very sad - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8811295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/razadesoare/pseuds/razadesoare
Summary: Your world was silent, and he gave it sound.





	1. Chapter 1

Your life had being a series of highs and lows, though it mostly consisted of lows. When you were ten you got a nasty illness that resulted in hearing loss and muteness. Which no surgeries seemed capable of fixing.  
After your third failed surgery, a doctor came to your parents and told them they had a treatment they were sure would work. How worse could it get you had thought. Answer? A lot worse.  
The doctor had turned out to be HYDRA and was looking for new test subjects. And you were the perfect one. You couldn’t speak or scream. And you wouldn’t be able to question or understand what was going on.  
He kidnapped you and killed your family. They had figured with your family gone, you would be much more compliant. And they were right. You were scared out of your mind, your family had just died and you were barely fourteen years old.  
You had just started to learn how to read lips, and were practically fluent in sign language. None of the HYDRA agents bothered to try and communicate with you, so you had to try your best to understand what they were saying, which was no easy feat, considering they spoke Russian fairly often.  
The days mainly consisted of sitting in your cell or tests being run on you. HYDRA was insane, not caring that you were only a kid. In fact, you believed they enjoyed the sight of your body writhing in pain, your mouth open in a silent scream.  
You were constantly being drugged and monitored, and had lost track of how long you were there. Your once long hair had been chopped short, and you had lost so much weigh, you could almost count all of your ribs. Doctors were always coming to you, speaking words you couldn’t hear and could barely read, and giving you all sorts of medicines. You had given up fighting a long time ago, learning it was no use, a succumbing to the quiet, lonely, pain filled life.  
Every once in a while, when being escorted to the medical lab from your cell, you would see a man with a metal arm and long dark hair. He always seemed to acknowledge your presence, either with a short moment of eye contact or a slight movement of his hand. It was the friendliest gesture you had received since you were captured.  
The metal-armed-man constantly plagued your thoughts, and you made it your goal to find out more about him. You usually ignored all of the conversations around you, not bothering to waste your time. You had learned how to perfectly read lips by now, having spent several years at the HYDRA compound. But now you were reading the conversations of those around you, most of it being medical talk.  
You picked up on one conversation between an agent and a doctor who were discussing a soldier- the Winter Soldier. They were discussing a recent mission he had been on and how he had nearly relapsed. You furrowed your brow in confusion, thoughts running through your head. They slowly stopped talking as the metal arm man entered the room. You could only assume the Winter Soldier they were speaking about was him.  
He made eye contact with you as he passed, twitching his lip upward in a small, short smile. You tried to return the gesture, but after years of not smiling, it’s like you had forgotten how. He was sat in a large mechanical looking chair at the back of the room, facing opposite of you. You watched as large metal cuffs locked his arms down, and a doctor gave him a mouth guard. You tilted your head to the side; your brows furrowed in interest, the doctors that had been working on you were now by the side of the Winter Soldier.  
Metal plates connected with his head as he made eye contact with you again. You immediately knew something bad was happening, the room was now full of tension. You raised your hands, quickly signing that it would be okay, though you knew he probably wouldn’t understand you and it most certainly wouldn’t be okay.  
You watched in horror as his body arched in pain as much as it could under the restraints. His whole body was tense and his teeth were clenched over the mouth guard. The HYDRA members watched him, occasional jotting things down on clipboards.  
After what seemed like years, they finally turned off the machine off and his body relaxed. You could feel yourself slowly getting off of the table you were sitting on and moving towards him. The Soldier’s body was covered in sweat and he looked around the room dazed. Aids were removing him from the chair, helping him stand and leading him out of the room.  
The doctor who was assigned to you most of the time, Dr. Volkov, turned his head and saw you standing in the middle of the room. He shook his head, clicking his tongue, like a mother would if she saw her child misbehaving. Your eyes widened and you stood perfectly still. He murmured something to another two Aids and they started towards you.  
They grabbed you by your biceps and dragged you back to the medal table. You struggled against their grip as they began strapping you down. You were sick of them using you as a toy. Dr. Volkov stalked over to you, eyeing the table of medical instruments next to you.  
“We’re trying something new today Y/N,” you read. He smiled at you pulling a case of syringes from the table. You bared your teeth, the events with the Soldier that happening just a few minutes prior still fresh in your mind. The aids inserted an IV port and connected you to heart monitor. He picked up one of the syringes and inserted it into the port, and began delivering the drug.  
It felt as if there was acid in your veins, your whole body was one fire as he started the next dose. You clenched your teeth, tears singing your eyes. You had learned long ago that crying was a sign of weakness, and you couldn’t afford that.  
Your body arched in pain as he continued on with the injections. As he finished the last one your eyes flew open, your pupils constricting until they were almost fully Y/E/C.  
Dr. Volkov stepped back, ordering the aids to take you to your cell. They began undoing the restraints as you stared at the ceiling, trying to catch your breath. You were filled with anger as your thoughts began to clear and you glared at the men as they hauled you off the table. They collapsed to the floor, writhing in pain. You kept your gaze on them, vaguely aware that all activity in the room had come to a screeching halt.  
You saw two agents begin to move towards you out of the corner of your eye. While keeping your gaze the two aids, you outstretched your hands to the agents, bringing them both to their knees, their bodies rigid with pain.  
You dropped your hands and sprinted out the open door, running as fast as your frail legs could take you. Anyone you glanced at in the hallway falling to the ground. You turned corner after corner, trying to find an exit.  
You stopped to catch your breath in a hallway void of people, and you were dully aware of the blood coming from your nose and ears. Your hands shook as you thought about what you had just done.  
A cool arm snaked around your neck, cutting off your air. You struggled, kicking your legs, trying to fight the person. You were drained, barely able to put up a fight. You collapsed to the ground with the person, dark spots beginning to cloud your vision.  
You glanced down; noticing the arm around your neck was completely metal. The Winter Soldier. And just before the world went completely dark, you noticed him signing two words. _Forgive Me_


	2. Chapter 2

You were kept heavily drugged for the next couple of weeks, and plans for The Winter Soldier to go back into cryo had been delayed. He was the one to subdue you after you had taken out nearly 50 HYDRA members. They were keeping The Soldier around you at all times, in case you miraculously were able to function against the sedatives running through your veins.  
They started to wean you off of the drugs slowly, making sure they had done all of the tests they could. They had blindfolded you and covered your hands in clunky metal covers in hopes you wouldn’t be able to use your power. When you were finally somewhat conscious you were completely panicked. You couldn’t see, you couldn’t hear and you couldn’t move.  
The Winter Soldier was standing guard at the door when you came to. He had convinced the doctors to let him stay because he said he would intimidate you most. But he had actually said it because he knew you would trust him, and he trusted you. No matter how many times they seemed to wipe him, he would always recognize the small girl with wide eyes and choppy hair.  
He slowly walk over to you, placing his hands gently on your shoulders, small burst of pain going through his body, nothing he couldn’t handle. Your body instantly went still, recognizing the cool smooth touch of his metal hand. Your Soldier. He started tapping his finger in a rhythmic pattern, which you recognized as Morse code.  
“You’re okay,” he tapped slowly. You nodded your head, your breaths slowly evening out. “I take off blindfold. Okay,” he let you know and you nodded again. He carefully slid the blindfold over your head so you could see.  
You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut, the after effects of the drugs making your vision blurry. The Soldier glanced over his shoulder, making sure there was no one else around before he knelt in front of you. You stared at him as he moved his hands, pointing to himself, and then moving his fist in circles over his chest. _I’m Sorry._  
You nodded, not being about to respond due to the metal bonds on your hands. You offered a slight smile, which he quickly returned.  
“I’m going to take off the cuffs,” he signed slowly, stumbling over some of the movements, “Promise you won’t hurt me?” You nodded yet again, mouthing the words back to him. _I promise I won’t._  
He removed the bonds and you stretched your fingers, bringing your hand to your chin and moving it forward, telling him thank you.  
“Of course,” he said, knowing you could read his lips. “I have orders to take you to Dr. Volkov when you regained consciousness,” your eyes widened slightly and you began to shake your head. Pain shot through The Winter Soldier’s body and he grimaced, grabbing your small hands.  
“Calm. Down,” he managed to get out through gritted teeth. You panicked, realizing that you were hurting him, which only made the pain he was feeling worse. He fell back, losing his hold on your hands and crying out. You scrambled to your feet, looking around frantically, trying to calm down.  
The door burst open, several guards running in, all of them covered head to toe in black gear. With your fear and anxiety only increasing, several of them dropped to the ground and Your Soldier’s pained cries grew louder.  
Guards managed to get you back into the cuffs and blindfold you, dragging your squirming body out of the room and into a small white room. They dropped you onto the cold floor, pulling the restraints off before quickly leaving and locking the door.  
You ripped the off the blindfold, looking around. This was the first time you had been in a room other than your cell or the lab. There was various amounts of equipment around you. You furrowed your brow in confusion, wondering why you hadn’t been sedated or beaten.  
A screen on the far side of the room light up, revealing the face of Dr. Volkov.  
“Y/N my dear. So glad to see you’re awake. You’ve been quite the buzz around here, considering you managed to take out some of my best agents,” you swallowed nervously as you read what he was saying, “You killed four of my men Y/N.”  
Your eyes widened at his words. You killed people, awful people, but they were living being regardless. You ran your shaky hands through your hair, casting your eyes towards the floor  
“I’m not mad though dear, so don’t fret,” he smiled at you, “We can only have the best here at HYDRA, you merely sorted the weak from the strong. I thank you. But you need to understand Y/N; you’ve been given a gift! A gift we intend on using to our advantage. The doctors here have some fancy name for what you have, but I’ll simplify it for you. You are able to inflict pain and illness onto others. The illness ability is so far not as common as the pain infliction. Five of our members came down with the flu; the rest either experienced extreme pain or died.”  
You stumbled back, trying to make sense of everything he had just told you. You racked your hands through your hair again, your hands trembling.  
“Now, you’re going to cooperate, whether we make you or not. You get to decide dear.”  
Your response was immediate. You held up your hand, showing him a not very kind gesture. Dr. Volkov chuckled, turning his head to someone off camera and mumbling something you couldn’t make out. He turned back to you.  
“I have a feeling The Winter Soldier will not enjoying doing this again.”  
You turned around just in time to have Winter wrap his arms around you, beginning to drag you out of the room. You struggled, not wanted to hurt him more than you already had. He began to tap on your arm like he had when you first woke up. _Don’t Fight. Please._ So you obliged.  
You stopped. You stopped fighting; you stopped trying to be free. Your body went limp in his arms, which you could tell he was not expecting, since he nearly lost his hold on you.  
He brought you to the lab you spent most of your time in. All movement stopped as agents took you from The Soldier, bringing you to the metal chair in the back of the room. You could instantly tell what was about to happen. You turned your head back to Your Soldier. He signed the words you had signed to him not long ago. _It’ll be okay._  
-  
They called you Hush. You were silent and you could bring silence upon others. You worked along the Winter Soldier as his back up on missions. Your first weeks of training we grueling. They worked you day and night, gaining up your physical strength first, considering the fact that you were extremely weak and frail.  
HYDRA wiped your mind multiple times, though they were never able to erase everything. You had a faint recollection of your family; you knew their faces but couldn’t quite place their names. Most of your memories from the past few years were gone, and you struggled to remember your own name sometime. Yet, you still seemed capable of remembering the metal armed man. Your Soldier.  
When you had first started to learn how to control your ability, you were only able to take out a few people before you got a terrible nose bleed and nearly collapsed. You had only been capable of what you had done the first time due to all the anger you were feeling. It took months and months of work but in the end, you could bring down a room full of people at the blink of an eye. Though you couldn’t hold your focus for long, it would buy The Winter Soldier enough time to get the job done.  
Your bond with The Soldier grew. He was your trainer, and the only person who spoke to you with your language, even though it was dangerous for him to do so.  
They would stick you in cryo between missions, not willing to take the risk of you turning your powers on them. Your most recent mission sent you and The Soldier to Washington DC, agents around you were constantly whispering to each other, excited for the final reveal.  
You sat across from Your Soldier at the back of the plane, looking up at him every so often  
“Where did you learn sign?” you questioned cautiously.  
“I have to use it during missions. They make me wear this...” he hesitated, thinking of the right word, “Muzzle. It’s hard to understand me when I talk under it.”  
There was a moment neither of you did anything. He pointed to you, then shifted both is hands to the side.  
“You ready?” he questioned. You nodded, moving your index finger in circles.  
“Always,” you replied. He jerked his head to the side, listening to someone, before turning back to you, letting you know it was time to go.  
You were both escorted off the plane to await further orders.  
-  
The Winter Soldier and you sat crouched on top of a building, waiting for the right moment to land the kill shot. It would have been completely dark out if not for the street lights around you. The Soldier had been ordered to take out threat to HYDRA, while you were to stop anyone if they got in the way.  
His target was Nick Fury, who you had been told was standing in HYDRA’s way of making the world a better place.  
Before you knew it, The Soldier was running off and you followed suit. You had barely even notice him fire the gun, considering you hadn’t heard it of course.  
He grabbed your arm and began quickly tapping. Being followed. You nodded, preparing to do what you needed. A familiar cold feeling spread through your body.  
You both stopped at the edge of a building, spinning around towards a blond man jumping out of a window. The man threw a red, white and blue shield towards you, which The Winter Soldier easily caught. You outstretched your hand towards the man. He grimaced in pain and your partner threw the shield back, hitting him straight in the stomach, sending him skidding backwards.  
You took this moment to jump off the roof and disappear from sight.  
-  
You and Your Soldier were sent to receive orders from one of the top authorities in HYDRA, Alexander Pierce. He notified you that you had two level six targets. And he needed a confirmed death within 10 hours.  
You were taken in a vehicle to where the targets were believed to be. The Soldier’s job was to take the enemy head on, and you were to keep them at bay so he could do his part.  
You watched as Winter jumped on the hood of the car they were driving, tearing out a body from the backseat, and throwing him into the other road. You extended your hand to the car, concentrating your energy on the driver. The car came to a screeching halt, throwing The Soldier off.  
Your car hit the other from behind, pushing it forward. Winter jumped up and onto the top of the car, ripping out the steering wheel and then proceeding to jump onto the hood of the car you were in. You moved your focus to everyone in the other vehicle.  
Their car lurched to the side, and then flipped over in the air. The right hand door fell out, along with the three people inside. One of them, a darker skinned man, fell off and the other two, the blond man you had seen earlier and a red haired woman went skidding down the road.  
The car stopped and you jumped off the car along with The Soldier. He was handed a large gun and shot at the man and woman, blasting the blond off the road and onto the ground below. Agents began shooting at the remaining two, who quickly ducked behind abandoned cars. You brought your hands out in front of you focusing on them.  
Winter sent another shot, blowing up a car. The red head ran across the road, a grimace on her face. He shot at her again and she jumped off the bridge.  
You turned your attention to finding the other man, the one who had fallen off the car door. You stalked off in his direction, your hand outstretched.  
He had taken out a sniper and kicked him over the edge. You clenched your fist and the man doubled over, placing his hands on his knees, letting his gun fall to the ground. He turned his head towards you, his brow furrowing. You dropped your hand and quickly pulled out your gun, firing several shots at him.  
He rolled out of the way, managing to pick his fallen gun up. firing a few shots over the bridge. You focused on him and he immediately began sneezing, you fired a shot at him, missing his head by barely an inch. He ran at you, his gun hanging by his side. You rolled out of the way, causing him to stumble. You threw your hand out and he dropped to his knees.  
A burst of red and orange caught your eye and you turned your head to look. You silently prayed Your Soldier was okay. The man took the moment of distraction to his advantage and jumped up, tackling you to the ground. Black spots danced in your vision as your head hit the ground.  
You wrapped your legs around his torso, flipping him so you were on top. You clenched your fist and he almost immediately passed out.  
You stood up, jumping off the bridge and landing on a lone car, flipping off of it. The red head was now where to be seen and Winter was fighting the blond man over 100 yards away. You sprinted towards them, vaguely aware of the people staring at you in horror. They all felt pain as your ran by.  
As you neared them, you watched as the blond man was grabbing his shield from where it was embedded in a car. He hit The Soldier with it, then flipped him over, and ripping his mask off in the process.  
The shield man stared at Winter with an expression of shock as Winter faced him. A moment passed before the blond spoke something you couldn’t read.  
“Who the hell is Bucky?” The Winter Soldier questioned, raising his gun. You spotted the man you had fought earlier flying towards him, a wing like contraption strapped to his back.  
You opened your mouth, shouting at Your Soldier to look out, but no sound escaped you lips. There were moments like these where you forgot your muteness that you hated the most.  
The bird man rammed in him, throwing him to the ground. A shot was fired at Winter, hitting the car next to him. He disappeared in a cloud of smoke and fire. Anger fueled within you. You raised your fists and the three enemies dropped to their knees, their mouths open in a cry of pain.  
Agents cuffed them and loaded them into a van. You looked around, Your Soldier nowhere in sight. You moved forward, signing three words over and over. _Where’s My Soldier._ Any HYDRA member that stepped within ten feet of you was hit with a wave of pain.  
Your hands began to shake. You were always with The Winter Soldier, he was the only one you trusted, and he helped keep your emotions at bay. Hands grabbed your arms, forcing them behind your back and locking them in cuffs. You were barely aware that there was a heavy stream of blood coming from your nose. You just wanted to know if Your Soldier was safe.


	3. Chapter 3

The Winter Soldier was confused. The man on the bridge had broken a dam in his head, sending memories flooding through. With one word, he had managed to send all the walls HYDRA built crashing down.  
He threw his metal arm to the side, sending the man working on it flying back. Guns were immediately pointed at him. He stared blankly ahead, only two thoughts on his mind: his past, and you  
When he had been brought into the room for his arm repairs, he was pretty out of it, but he managed to overhear a conversation about you. They said that you had had a breakdown and almost took out 7 agents. He was incredibly worried and when he heard they had tranquilized you and were considering putting you back in cryo, he was filled with anger.

His eyes were focused on wall in front of him and he barely noticed the man entering the room. The man came up close to him, speaking words he was to numb to hear. His cheek was suddenly stinging and his hair was sticking to his sweat covered face. The Soldiers brow furrowed,  
“The man on the bridge,” he trailed off, looking up at the man, “who was he?”  
“You met him earlier this week on another assignment,” the man explained.  
“I knew him,” Winter mumbled, shifting his gaze to the others in the room. The man sat down in front of him.  
“Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century; I need you to do it one more time. Society is at tipping point between order and chaos, tomorrow morning we’re going to give it a push…” The Winter Soldier looked away, the rest of the man’s monologue becoming muffled as if his ears were filled with cotton. When he glanced back at the man, he hesitated.  
“But I knew him,” he spoke, fearing the consequences of his words.  
“Where is she?” The Soldier murmured quietly, looking up as he was pushed back into the chair.  
“Where is she?” He said a bit louder, though no one made the move to respond. He was about to ask again before a mouth guard was shoved between his teeth. The machine whirled to life and his arms were locked down. He began to struggle against the restraints as the metal plates neared his head.  
He began to think about you, trying to calm himself down. How you would always sign that it would be okay. And boy he wished that it would be as his screams filled the room

-

You awoke to drips of liquid falling on your face and someone gently shaking your shoulders. The first thing you saw as you opened your eyes was Your Soldier looming above you. Your eyes widened in shock as you took in his appearance. He was dripping wet and was cradling his arm to his side. He had several cuts and bruises covering the visible parts of his body.  
“Are you okay?” you began to sign, your arm somewhat restricted due to an IV in your arm. He nodded while you pulled out the needle. He helped pull electrode pads from your head and chest.  
You looked around confused, the fog the medication had caused you finally being lifted, “What happened? What’s going on?” you asked.  
“I’ll explain later, but we need to get out of here” he spoke in a rush, grabbing your hand and pulling you from the room. There were several unconscious bodies in the hallways you passed through. You gripped Your Soldier’s hand tightly, sending bursts of electricity through his fingers.  
He guided you out of the building into an alleyway behind it. Bright red and blue lights flickered in the distance. You turned to him  
“You came back for me,” you signed, your lips moving along with the words.  
“Of course I did Y/N, I’ll always come for you,” he replied, a soft smile on his face. You managed a smile back, not having seen your name used in years and you were surprised he could even remember it, “Now we need to go.”  
You ran down to the end of the alley to a fire escape ladder. He climbed up first, only using one arm, the other one you suspected was dislocated. You reached your hand up, tapping quickly on the sole of his shoe, though you doubted he’d be able to feel it. _Thank you._  
When you reached the roof you were suddenly aware of the amount of light in the city. It came from everywhere, police cars, fire engines, ambulances, and fire. The smell of smoke was overwhelming. _What happened?_ You found yourself mouthing.  
Winter waved to you from across the roof and you ran over to him. He had opened a window and was gesturing for you to get inside. You obliged, carefully climbing inside.  
You looked around. The apartment seemed empty, whoever lived there had left in a rush. There was a broken glass on the floor and the door was wide open. The Soldier climbed in behind you, shutting the window behind him. You quickly went to close the door and locking it. You turned back to him.  
“Explain,” he shut his eyes.  
“I will, but first, I need you to set my shoulder.”

-

You had him sat on the edge of the tub in the bathroom after managing to pull off his heavy leather jacket, leaving him without a shirt. He was incredibly thin, though surprisingly muscular. You gingerly placed your hands on his wounded shoulder, tapping your fingers to three. One…Two… and then you jerked his arm back, putting his shoulder in place. He let out a cry of pain, which you couldn’t hear of course and gritted his teeth.  
“I’m sorry,” you signed, offering him a bottle of pain killers which he gratefully took. You wandered to the bedroom, finding a pair of clothes for him to wear. While doing so, you grabbed a plain shirt and jeans for yourself, figuring a hospital gown wouldn’t be so good for going on the run.  
You quickly changed, the clothes hanging loosely off of your thin frame. You found Your Soldier cleaning one on the wounds on his forehead. You knocked on the door frame to gain his attention, handing him the clothes. He smiled in thanks as his slide the shirt on. You turned around, giving him is privacy.  
He tapped on your shoulder, letting you know he was done. You looked at him and asked him once again to explain. He looked you straight in the eyes, taking a deep breath.  
“My name is Bucky, I think, the man from the bridge told me,” your brow furrowed in confusion as you read what he was saying, “We… we fought, on one of the helicarriers. He-he explained that my name is James Buchanan Barnes, I-I was his best friend,” he trailed off, a distant look in his eyes. You reached over, gently taking his hand in yours.  
And like you always did when Your Soldier was sad, you told him it would be okay.

-

You stood next to Bucky in front of his memorial at the Smithsonian. It felt good to call him a name, something besides ‘Soldier’.  
You read over the words several times, if this was confusing for you, you couldn’t imagine what it was like for him. His hand was gripping yours so tightly you fingers were beginning to go numb.  
The memorial said he was born in 1917 and you got wondering what year it was. Nothing around you seemed familiar. The clothes, the technology, the people.  
You tried to think what the last year you could remember was but you couldn’t. You couldn’t even remember your birthday…  
“This doesn’t feel right,” you signed slowly, your eyes scanning the room. He glanced over at you, the ball cap he was wearing making it hard to see his eyes.  
“I know.”

-

“We need to get money, we won’t be able to do anything if we don’t have any,” You explained to him. You sat at the back table in a small diner, trying to figure out your next move.  
“Okay...How?” he asked, spreading his gloved hands. You pursed your lips, trying to think.  
“HYDRA has all these bank accounts,” you began, “in case an agent got compromised and needed a way to lay low until they could be picked up. I think I might remember some of the names,”  
“Then let’s get goin’” he replied, standing up and offering you his hand, which you gladly took. 

-

You stood beside Bucky at the bank teller’s booth. He had just finished giving the woman his information. You looked around the room, trying to asses any possible threat. You were praying no one would recognize you and call the police.  
The banker came back with an envelope full of cash, handing it over to Bucky. They exchanged a few words before the woman’s eyes widened. You grabbed Bucky’s hand, letting him know it was time to go. The woman opened her mouth, yelling for guards then hastily grabbing the phone.  
You outstretched your hand towards her and she immediately doubled over coughing, dropping the phone back on the table. The guards were running towards you and Your Soldier. He stepped protectively in front of you and ready to start throwing punches.  
All of the guards collapsed to the ground unconscious and you and Bucky made your run for the door. Your Soldier wrapped his arm around your waist to keep you from falling. Dropping all of the guards so suddenly had drained you, your nose had begun to bleed and your legs felt like jello.  
You ducked into an alleyway, glancing over at Bucky and then over your shoulder, making sure no one was following. You leaned against the wall, trying to catch your breath. Bucky placed his hands on your shoulders, leaning down, his eyes scanning your face.  
He brushed his thumb under your nose, wiping away the blood. You smiled tiredly.  
“Are you alright?” he asked and you could only nod in return. He wrapped you in a tight hug. You stiffened, the feeling of affection foreign to you. When he let go you brought your hand up towards your forehead, extending the fingers and pulling them outward in a pinching motion. _Let’s go._  
He nodded, taking you hand, pulling up his hood in which you followed suit. And together you began to walk down the street.

-

You found yourselves at a dusty old motel that smelled like musk and alcohol. The man running the front desk hadn’t even looked up from the book was reading, he simply asked for money and handed you a key.  
The was a single bed in the middle of the room and when you sat on it, you could hear the springs creaking, well, at least that’s what Your Soldier told you.  
You stepped into the bathroom, turning on the faucet, which only let out a small trickle and let it gather in your hands, splashing it on your face. You looked into the mirror, taking in your appearance. Your hair was choppy and uneven and you had dark purple circles under your eyes. You cheeks were sunken in and your skin was sickly pale. You couldn’t recognize yourself, and that scared you.  
Bucky leaned against the door frame, watching you carefully. He placed his hand on your shoulder, causing you to jump in surprise. He chuckled, pointing to you, then spreading his hands in front of his chest and shaking them, and lastly cupping his hand and brushing the other against it. _You scare easy._  
You laughed, pointing to yourself and then making a ‘C’ in front of your face and then closing your fist. _I guess._ You sat next to each other on the bed and he began telling you all he could remember from his past. Every small detail. There was a light in his eyes you had never seen before as he recalled the events.  
He told you stories of the blond man, Steve, who used to be smaller. He told you all he could before the light hanging from the ceiling flickered out, sending the room into darkness. Bucky gently took your hand, helping you find your place on the bed.  
You lay side by side, staring up at the ceiling, the cool metal of his arm touching your shoulder. Neither of you were able to sleep, and for the first time in a while, the silence was terrifying.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky stared at you once you had finally fallen asleep. Your lips mumbled unspoken words. He wished he could read lips like you could so he could figure out what you were saying.  
He sighed, turning away and looking back towards the ceiling. He kept replaying what had happened on the helicarriers in his head. He was praying that Steve was alright. The guilt and confusion he was feeling was overwhelming, he felt as if it might consume him at any moment.  
He had no clue what was going to happen. The police had no doubt set out on a search for the two of you and he wondered what he would see if turned on the television…if he could figure out how.  
Everything around him was different. He could barely comprehend half of the stuff he was seeing. At the museum, women were wearing incredibly short shorts and tank tops, something he never would have seen growing up.  
And when he had gone to the bank, he had received hundreds of dollars; he couldn’t even understand how it was possible. The world had changed, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was scared  
-  
Your Soldier awoke to the smell of coffee. You had noticed the small coffee pot in the back of the room and decided to try it. Streams of light shown through the parts of the window the curtains didn’t cover, making up for the broken bulb.  
Bucky sat up; the feeling of waking up on his own was so foreign to him. You padded over to him, holding two cups of coffee in your hands. You handed him the cup and sat next to him. You took a long sip, the bitter, watery taste overwhelming your taste buds, causing you to choke and sputter in surprise. A laugh was elicited from Bucky.  
You covered you mouth to keep from spitting out the ‘coffee’. And in seconds you were both doubled over laughing, though your laugh was more of a wheeze, which only made Your Soldier laugh harder.  
The feeling of being free was setting in. Of being free from HYDRA, though all that was programmed by them was still there, you both still remembered how it felt to be human. In barely over a day since you both had escaped, you were already feeling pieces of your old selves coming back.  
“My mom made coffee like that. Practically water,” you managed to sign to him after you had both calmed down.  
“My mom…I think she was a tea person,” he smiled, taking a sip of the drink, “and this is awful, but it’s still the best thing I’ve had in years.”  
“Well after however many years it’s been, I guess I forgot how to use a coffee maker…”  
“Well thank you for trying,” he attempted to sign, but messed up ‘ _thank you_ ’ placing his hand under his jaw instead of on his chin. Your eyes widened in surprise and you quickly tried to correct him. He stared at you, confused as to what he said wrong.  
You gently took his hand, showing him the correct motion and finger spelling what it means, and then showing him what he signed and what it meant. A blush spread across him checks as he realized  
“I’m sorry,” he murmured bashfully. You smiled, letting him know he didn’t need to worry.  
You glanced over at what you guessed was the television and wished you could figure out how to turn it on. It was huge! And it didn’t have any nobs or buttons on it, which you couldn’t quite comprehend.  
Bits in pieces from your past were slowly coming back. Your birthday was somewhat muddled and you couldn’t exactly place it…19…19 something.  
“What’s wrong?” Bucky signed, watching you warily. You shook your head.  
“Just trying to remember,” you answered after a moment. He nodded his head in understanding, “I just wish I knew what I’m trying to remember.”  
Several seconds passed where neither of you did anything. He glanced over at you, clearing his throat  
“I thought you were good with your powers? What happened back at the bank?” He quirked an eyebrow. You sighed,  
“I still had those weird drugs in my system, it was throwing me off”. He smirked slightly.  
“Sure,” he said. Holding the sign. You rolled your eyes.  
“I could take you down with the flick of the wrist Soldier,” he crossed his arms.  
“Prove it” you read, chuckling. You moved your hand and he almost immediately went limp, not able to move his body.  
“Paralysis” you explained as he started at you with wide blue eyes. “Works every time. Though it is hard to hold on multiple people at once.”  
“Okay, okay. I get it, point proven,” he managed to get out. You released your hold, though all the programming in your body screamed at you to finish him. And all you could do was pray that HYDRA’s hold on you wouldn’t make you do anything you couldn’t control.  
-  
Over the next several weeks, Bucky and you jumped from hotel to hotel, never staying in one place for more than a couple days. You had tried your best to stay away from cameras, which you quickly realized was nearly impossible, noticing that practically every street corner had one.  
You were always talking to one another, not willing to let your thoughts wander. Or you knew you would sink far from each other’s reach. Sometimes it felt as if Bucky was slipping through your fingers. Words you could never hear would set him off, causing him to go stiff as a board, his eyes lost.  
You would grab his arm, trying to bring him back to reality, to let him know you were here. This always brought him back; you were his tether to the world  
In return, he would always help you with your nightmares. Being the light sleeper he was, he would always wake as he felt your body thrash, your knuckles white from clenching your fists. He would ignore the excruciating pain coursing through his body, and pin you down until you awoke or calmed down.  
As much as he hated to admit it, the sight killed him. HYDRA had made him not feel, not care. And the sadness he felt as he restrained you was new to him, and he died a little bit more inside when he did it.  
-  
A few weeks after the events on the helicarriers, following a long and awkward conversation with cashier at a gas station that smelled of cigars and mothballs, you had finally learned the year. 2014. You had quickly done the calculations in your head. This made Bucky 97. He had been with HYDRA for practically seventy years. You could only hope that you hadn’t been there that long.  
“Remember anything new?” Bucky signed, snapping you from your thoughts. You shrugged.  
“Nothing of importance,” you replied. You sat at the small table in the motel room, both of you trying to recover from last night’s dreams. “Maybe we should try to contact your friend…from the bridge,” you asked hesitantly. He stared at you blankly.  
“Why?”  
“He might be able help us," continued to stare, “It’s just a thought.” He nodded and glanced down at the table, looking back up after a moment and beginning to move his hands.  
“How?”  
-  
There was a small public library a few blocks from the place you had been staying, and you were hoping you would be able to find a phone book or something, if they still had those.  
You scanned the area, which seemed mostly empty besides the librarians and a woman looking through the romance section. Bucky walked off towards the back area where a row of screens were lined up. Your brow furrowed, confused as to what they might be.  
You had seen these things around HYDRA facilities, but never really paid attention to them.  
“I think they’re computers,” you signed, taking a seat in front of one and looking at Bucky. They were a lot less bulky then you remembered. He made a face  
“A computer couldn’t fit in here,” you read as he spoke. You shrugged  
“I guess technology had some advancements.” You tried to remember how one of these might work but nothing came to mind. Bucky had wandered off towards a pile of books and was now waving you over to him.  
He was flipping through a large yellow book full of small print, a phone book. You went to the R’s and flipped to Rogers, hoping to find a Steve. You ran your index finger over the page, landing on one of three Steven Rogers. Bucky ran a hand through his hair.  
“Does he have a middle name?” you signed and after a moment he pointed to the second name _Rogers, Steven Grant._ You grinned up at the Soldier, glad that something good finally happening.  
-  
Back at the hotel, after you and Bucky finally figured out how to use phone, you dialed Steve’s number, crossing your fingers that he would answer. Your Soldier tapped his fingers nervously on the table. You set your hand on top of his, giving him a reassuring smile.  
He waited for a moment, chewing on his lip. His eyes widened and his lips formed one word. _Steve._  
-  
Steve collapsed onto his couch, his day having been full of press conferences and talking to courts. Though one thought remained a constant through it. Bucky.  
Since he woke up in the hospital, he found his mind always drifting to him, trying to figure out what had happened. When Natasha had given him the file things became much clearer, and sometimes, he wished he didn’t know. The pain and guilt became too much at times.  
The woman from the bridge was a mystery to him. He had only found a few short paragraphs on her in The Winter Soldier’s folder, enough to learn they referred to her as Hush and had been through a lot of the same things Bucky had. And according to Sam, had…special abilities  
He groaned as the phone rang across the room. He stood and made his way to it, not bothering to check the caller ID.  
“Hello?” he asked, expecting to hear Sam or Sharon or maybe even Tony on the other end.  
“Steve?” a deep and quiet voice asked. Steve’s eyes widened in recognition.  
“Bucky? Oh my gosh is that you? Where are you? Are you alright?” he asked quickly, the questions flying from his mouth in a frantic yell before he could even think. A soft laugh came from the other side.  
“Yeah…yeah Steve, it’s me. I’m, um, I guess I’m alright, I’m not…the other guy anymore”  
“Where are you,” Steve repeated, relief spreading through him as he leaned against the counter. It was silent for a few moments before he finally responded.  
“We’re at some motel, but I think it might be best if we met up somewhere else.”  
“We? Who else is with you?” Steve questioned, his brow furrowed.  
“Oh, um, Y/N, she was um, on the bridge, when we first saw each other.” he explained. Of course she was still with Bucky, and now he could put a name too her face.  
“Right…well, when and where shall I see you?” Steve inquired, eager to see his Bucky, not the Winter Soldier, for the first time in over 70 years  
-  
Steve met you and Bucky at a small cafe a few blocks away from the motel. You had made sure there were more than one exit and only one camera, which faced the opposite direction of where you were sitting. Steve sat across from you, analyzing every detail of Bucky’s features. His now dull blue eyes, pale skin and overgrown stubble that covered his cheeks  
He stole occasional weary glances at you, trying to figure you out. You seemed so young, much too young to be a soldier for HYDRA, but then again, it was HYDRA, he never knew what to expect with them.  
“Why now? Why reach out for help now?” Steve questioned. Bucky cleared his throat, glancing at you and then back at Steve.  
“You’re the only person we can really trust,” he trailed off for a moment, “We need your help, we can explain everything, though it might take a while.”  
“I have the time,” Steve spoke, leaning back.  
Though the entire conversation, Steve was strangely noticing that you hadn’t spoken once or made eye contact with him while he was talking. He couldn’t help but feel intimidated by you though. Bucky had explained your powers and what HYDRA had made you do.  
“So have you remembered anything about yourself,” Steve looked at you. You shrugged and shook your head. “Are you going to say anything to me?” he asked. You brought your hand up, pinching your index and middle finger together against your thumb while shaking your head. Steve’s eyes widened in understanding.  
“She’s deaf, I forgot to mention that,” Bucky smirked. “But she can read lips so don’t think she can’t understand you.” Steve managed to finger spell _I’m sorry._ Although he mixed up the s with an a. You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips.  
“Well,” Steve said slowly, “I think I know what to do,”


	5. Chapter 5

Steve stepped outside to make a phone call and told you and Bucky to stay at the table. You turned to Bucky, letting out a breath you didn’t realize you had been keeping and resting your forehead against his shoulder. He turned and set his head on top of yours  
Since you escaped, you and Bucky had grown accustomed to physical contact with each other, whether it was just your knees touching or his arm wrapped around your shoulders. It brought you both a sense of comfort, which you both desperately needed.  
You stayed that way until Steve came back in, letting you know to come with him. You slid out of the booth, throwing on your ball caps and hoods and following him outside.  
There was a black car waiting and Steve opened the doors, gesturing inside. Bucky hesitantly got in, and you got in behind him. Steve got in the passenger seat. The car started and you drove off. You were incredibly tense and your eyes flicked all over, scrutinizing every detail.  
Steve turned around to talk with Bucky but you were too distracted to read their conversation. You fiddled with your hands in your lap and looked out the window. You had figured out there were 3 guns in the car. One under the driver seat, one in the holder on the passenger side door. And you figured there would be one in the glove box.  
Nearly 30 minutes later, you pulled up to a tall tower and were escorted inside. You walked next to Bucky, your shoulder brushing against his metal arm. You were guided to a lab. Any work that had been happening abruptly stopped and all heads turned towards you  
Bucky placed his hand on the small of your back, helping you forward. You were taken to a medical room. Your breathing quickened and you felt Your Soldier tense up.  
Steve noticed your reactions and sympathy immediately filled his eyes. They guided Bucky in one direction and you started to follow only to be ushered into a different room. You instantly began to panic, your hands starting to tremble. This was the first time you had been separate since the events on the helicarriers.  
You glanced around wearily. There was a bed and a tray of tools with several cabinets along the wall. You leaned against the bed, all of your instincts screaming for you to run. The room seemed different from the ones at HYDRA though. Much more sterile looking, and safer.  
After a few moments, a man in a lab coat with dark curly hair and tan skin walked in followed by another man with short sandy colored hair clad in sweatpants and a purple t-shirt. The lab coat man spoke a few words, which you read with ease.  
“I’m Bruce,” he introduced himself, and the motioned to the man next to him, “This is Clint.” Clint gave a small wave, “He’s going to translate for me.” You nodded. “Please, take a seat,” he said, motioning to the bed. You clenched your jaw and slowly sat down.  
“Okay,“ he began, looking down at a clipboard he held in his hands. You made your hand the sign of a _b_ and slid it down your left arm then shook your index finger. They both stared at you confused. That was Bucky’s name sign and you forgot that no one knew that. You finger spelled his name and repeated _where._  
Clint repeated the words to Bruce, signing the words as he spoke. The way Clint signed was so different than what you were used to. Bucky was choppy and not entirely fluent, but this man was fluid, like he had done it his whole life. Bruce who told you that Bucky was with Steve and you could see him soon. You nodded and the doctor started with his questions.  
“Lets start simple. What’s your name?” You finger spelled your name. Y/N. Clint told Bruce. “Any last name?” You chewed on your lip and shrugged. The two men exchanged glances and then went back to asking questions.  
_How old are you? When is your birthday? What happened to your parents? Are they alive? How long were you with HYDRA?_ And you answer was the same each time. I don’t know.  
“Steve told us you have abilities. Can you show us?” You shook your head quickly. Signing one word. _Pain._ Bruce’s eyes widened and he jotted a few more notes down. “Okay, we’re gonna run a few tests and then hopefully we’ll be able to figure a few things out. It’s gonna be okay,” He patted your knee gently, offering a small smile, and then walking out.  
Clint stayed behind, leaning against the counter top, watching you carefully.  
“I lost my hearing when I was a kid,” he signed. “I can hear now. Hearing aids. Hopefully we’ll be able to fix you up with some…Show me what you can do.” Your brow furrowed and you shook your head again. “Come on. I trust that you won’t hurt me.”  
You glanced down, confused as to why he would trust you. You flicked your fingers and he sneezed. He stared at you with a baffled expression then laughed.  
“You can do more than that. Come on, I can take it,” he spread his arms. You stretched your hand towards him, sending a burst of pain through him, letting it linger in his fingers and toes. _I could do worse,_ you signed. He raised an eyebrow as if testing you. _But I won’t,_ you continued, _Now where is Bucky._  
-  
You sat with Bucky in his small room. Doctors had just finished taking a dozen tests on the two of you. They had taken blood and fingerprints and other things you couldn’t understand. You now leaned into Bucky’s side, his arm wrapped tightly around you. The thought of HYDRA breaking in or the police coming stayed in the back of your mind, filling you with fear.  
You woke up to Bucky lightly shaking your shoulders. You weren’t sure when, but at some point you had dozed off during the few hours of waiting. Steve sat in front of you, tapping his foot nervously, a file in his hands.  
“We got the test results,” he told you. You felt your eyes widen. It was as if the butterflies in your stomach had drunken a couple dozen liters of coffee and were now bouncing off the walls. He opened the file and began to read. Bucky squeezed your hand.  
“Your name is Y/F/N Y/L/N,” he started and hesitated. “You were born Y/B/D in 1958.” He looked up at you. Your lips parted slightly in shock. You did the math quickly. You were supposed to be 56 years old. Steve continued. “Physically, you’re in your mid-twenties…Your parents, Y/M/N and Y/D/N, were killed in 1973, and you went missing.” You did more calculations. 41 years. You took a deep breath. Jolts of electricity were zinging through Your Soldiers finger tips.  
You felt numb. Bucky said something, you couldn’t see him, but could tell by the way his throat vibrated. His arms were now wrapped around your waist, holding your trembling body. Steve left the room and Bucky instantly turned you to face him, placing his hands on your cheeks.  
“It’s gonna be okay,” you read. Your eyes were large and frantic. “Steve says there’s a better room we can stay in till things are worked out better.” You nodded and he kissed your forehead.  
He helped you up and together you walked out of the lab, following Steve’s directions to your new room. This included fifteen minutes of trying to remember how to use an elevator, and thirty minutes of being lost.  
When you finally arrived at the room and opened the doors, you both were shocked. It was probably the cleanest room you had seen in months, years even. A large bed was covered with a white comforter and white pillows. There were two doors, which you suspected lead to a bathroom and maybe a closet.  
You glanced up at Bucky, who looked quite confused. I guess we wait. You signed and he nodded slowly. You walked to the bed, running your hand along the comforter. Bucky sat down, and basically sunk into the mattress. You snorted and covered your mouth with your hand.  
He laid back and you flopped beside him. A grinned formed on his face as he looked at you. Your Y/E/C eyes met his blue-gray ones. You propped yourself up on your elbow, not breaking eye contact.  
He brought his hand to your cheek, rubbing the pad of his thumb over your cheek bone. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest. Then his lips were on yours, and at first you were scared, this was your first kiss, at least you thought it was. But you happily melted into it.  
**(A/N: in my first draft it was “at first you were afraid. You were petrified”)**  
He pulled away, the ghost of a smile on his lips. You were screaming on the inside. You couldn’t lie and say you hadn’t dreamed of kissing those pink lips.  
“That was overdue,” you read and nodded.  
_Very,_ you tapped on his shoulder. He pulled you into his arms, nuzzling his chin in the crook of your neck. And that’s how you spent the rest of the night, curled up next each other, wrapped in a blanket of safety which was one another.  
-  
You woke up at three a.m. in a cold sweat. You ran your hand over your face, brushing away the hairs that were stuck to your face. You carefully sat up, trying your best not to wake up the sleeping soldier next to you.  
You tiptoed into the hallway, praying that you wouldn’t run into anyone. You followed the hallways until you found the kitchen. There were tons of cabinets and drawers and you had no clue where you’d find a glass. You opened a few, not finding anything useful.  
Something tapped on your shoulder and you whirled around quickly, ready to fight, to see the bird man from the bridge. He point to a cabinet behind you and you turned and opened it, seeing it filled with cups. You gave him a small smile and filled a glass with water.  
You turned back to see him watching you carefully. He walked over to the counter across for you and leaned against it.  
“So, how ya holding up?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. You shrugged, not knowing what to do since you figured he didn’t know sign language. “Ah right, you can’t talk. Sorry I forgot. Er, um…” he fished a pad of paper and a pen from a drawer and slid it over to you. “Use this.”  
You picked up the pen. _Shouldn’t you hate me?_ You wrote and looked up at him. He laughed and shook his head.  
“Is this about the bridge? Cause I kinda know that ain’t your fault kid.” You took a sip of you water and began to write again.  
_But I did it._ He frowned.  
“Listen, I may not like Barnes much, but I do have sympathy for him. For both of you. And plus, your abilities are hella sick.” you smiled, emitting a silent laugh. “Get it, cause you can make people sick. Ah, I love puns.” You looked down, the smile still on your face. “Don’t think I’ve ever sneezed that much ever,” He grinned.  
_I forgot to ask. What’s your name?_ You scribbled down. He hesitated for a moment before raising his left hand and finger spelling it. _S A M._ You smiled and stuck your hand out for him to shake. He shook you hand. You slid your palms across one another, extending your index fingers and tapped you fists against each other, and then pointing to him and signed his name.  
_Nice to meet you, Sam,_ you wrote down. His mouth formed an o shape and nodded his head.  
“Get some sleep,” you read. “Tomorrows gonna be a long day.”  
You began to walk out of the kitchen, but turned around to write something else. _Thank you._ And then you scurried out, jumping quickly back into bed.  
-  
Sunbeams streamed through the window and you squinted your eyes and pulled the comforter over your head. You became suddenly overly aware of Bucky beside you. You looked over at him to see his blue orbs watching you.  
“Morning,” his lips formed. You gave him a sleepy smile, glancing at the clock behind him who’s bright red lights flashed that it was 7:30. You sat up, rubbing your hands over your face, your conversation with Sam playing over in your mind.  
“We’re supposed to meet Steve in the labs,” Bucky signed. You sighed, dreading stepping foot in there again.  
Fifteen minutes later you both sat with Steve, answering questions of your time with HYDRA. They had you write all your answers down while Bucky answered verbally.  
The answers were hard to write, the memories only bringing you pain. Your hands shook violently at times and the doctors made you take a break until you could continue.  
They asked so many questions. Locations, dates, torture methods, and more. You couldn’t remember everything but you tried your best. Every time you had to write Dr. Volkov’s name you shuddered, an immense amount of hatred rushing through you.  
When the doctors stepped away to talk you turned to Bucky, tapping your middle, ring, and pinkie fingers against your wrist and then holding up your middle finger. _Doctor Volkov._ Bucky smirked and you continued, flipping your hands to the sides. _Dead?_ He stared at you for a moment before shaking his head.  
You felt your jaw clench as anger flooded through you, and suddenly all you could think about was killing him.  
Clint walked over, something held tightly in his right hand. He sat in front of you, dropping the contents in your lap, and then handing some to Bucky. You brow furrow as you looked up at him. You shook your index finger. _What?_  
Found this in the archives, he signed and you picked up the pieces of paper to realize they were wrinkled black and white photographs. A man and woman sat next to each other, their arms around a little girl sitting on their laps. Smiles on their faces, frozen in that moment. You flipped it over, the back reading _1965._  
The next one showed the woman and the girl standing side by side, both wearing floral dresses and grinning at each other. _Easter 1968._  
Your hand slowly covered you mouth as you continued to look. The same girl sat in a hospital bed, a weak smile on her face, giving the camera a thumbs up. _September, 1971. Y/N’s first surgery!_  
You felt moisture entering your eyes and you hastily blinked it away. You looked through the rest of the photos. One’s from birthdays and ones from Christmas. The little girl in the flower dress with her hair in pigtails and happiness written across her face was you. The man and woman were your parents. And all of it had been ripped away from you.  
Bucky held a photo tightly in his metal hand that he was nearly crushing it. You rested you hand on his, relaxing his grip. The photo showed him in an suit, a wide grin on his face, his hair cut nice and short, with both his arms wrapped around a young boy and girl.  
He moved his hands. First signing brother, and then signing sister. Your heart ached for him and you squeezed his hand, placing a kiss on his shoulder and resting you head on it. He took a deep breath.  
Before you even tried to process what you were thinking, you were signing. Clint’s eyes widened and Bucky looked down at you.  
“I’m going to find Dr. Volkov. And I’m going to kill him.”


	6. Chapter 6

The next several weeks were spent either in training rooms or labs. It was only Bucky who was able to get you to sleep or eat. He was keeping you anchored, and you were so incredibly grateful for him. Though you weren’t willing to ‘say’ it, you loved him with all your heart. 

You had been able to remember small details from your past through photos and dreams. Your mother’s smile. Your father’s cologne. You would wake in the middle of the night with the smell of pine in your nose and their faces in your mind.  
Over the following weeks, you had met more of the group, who called themselves The Avengers. A man named Tony, with strange facial hair and the snarkiest personality. A redhead named Natasha, who you could have sworn you had met before. She looked like she had seen a ghost when she spoke with you.  
Steve told you about a man, well a god, named Thor, who was currently in Asgard. You had trouble believing him at first, but after everything you had dealt with, it wasn’t that strange to comprehend.  
Everyone made sure to keep you and Your Soldier away from TVs and newspapers, since you were both still hot topics for the news. So far, Tony had convinced the government and police to not arrest you. He had explained the situation to them, getting them to agree to more time before an eventual court day had to be set. You suspected money was involved as well, considering the amount Tony had.  
Whenever you and Bucky had the chance, the two of you would thank people. Neither of you could wrap your heads around everyone’s generosity, as it was like nothing either of you could ever remember having. Before bed each night, you and Bucky would go through a list of things you were thankful for. It helped block out the memories of HYDRA that plagued you.  
Bucky regained his memories at a faster pace than you did with the element of hearing playing a big role in his recovery. However, he did everything he could to help you out until you could tell your name and birthday without hesitation. It was in those moments you could feel your love for him filling every part of you.

-  


After the third week of being in the tower, Tony took notice of the fact that neither of you had much clothing, so he took it into his hands to get you some. He returned the the lab one day with custom shirts for the two of you, Bucky’s reading Scary and yours reading Scarier. Bucky stared at him, a confused look on his face.  
“Face it Barnes. She’s much more terrifying than you,” Tony spoke with a shrug. Needless to say, you wore yours quite often.  
You watched Tony walk over to Bruce and they immediately began conversing, showing each other papers. They had been attempting to create a hearing aid for you, but whatever HYDRA had done had made the original damage to your ear much worse than expected.  
In the meantime, Tony had built you a pair of glasses to wear that would display what people were saying in the lens. You wore them sometimes, but you mainly enjoyed reading lips, it kept you focused and engaged.  
You turned to Bucky, who was still staring at his shirt. He looked down at you as you rested your hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.  
_Train?_ You signed, raising your eyebrows in a hopeful manner. Bucky let out a breath, dropping his head to his chest. You were constantly asking him that question, you loved being able train on your own free will without fear of consequence. He nodded reluctantly and you took his hand, guiding him out of the room.  
When you first arrived at the tower, you had quickly memorized the layout of the building, so you and Bucky reached the training room fairly easily. The room was empty when you got there and that was just the way you liked it, without distraction.  
Bucky picked up a practice gun from a rack on the wall. They were filled with rubber bullets so the worst that could happen was a bad bruise. You got in position across from him, clenching and unclenching your fists. Bucky was never afraid to spar with you, he knew you could take care of yourself.  
He began firing at you, several whizzing past your chest and head. You flipped and dodged each one with ease. As he reloaded his clip, you took the moment to outstretch your hand. Through more work with your powers, you had learned how to focus your energy on specific objects. Bucky’s arms tensed up and went rigid, causing him to drop his gun.  
His head whipped up and his blues met your Y/E/Cs. You charged at him, kneeing him in his soft spot and sending a swift kick to his legs. He dropped to his knees and you immediately wrapped your legs around his neck, flipping him onto his back. You kept him frozen, all of his muscles taut.  
_Easy_ , you smirked, standing up and releasing your hold on him. You held you hand out to him and helped him up  
“Man I need to practice more,” he mumbled to himself, shaking his head. You just grinned and stood on your tippy toes to kiss his stubble covered cheek. A quick movement caught your eye and you swiftly turned towards it. Clint stood between the entrance doors, breathing hard, his eyes frantic and a smile playing on his lips.  
“We found him,” he signed.

-  


Clint took you both back to the lab where you did most of your research. You prefered you and Bucky’s room. The walls were covered with pictures and documents.  
When you couldn’t sleep or woke up from a nightmare, you would study all your notes, looking on clues as to where he might be.  
“Okay, so we got notified that he passed a street camera in Halifax, Canada about 15 minutes ago. We’ve locked down all airports and roads and sent out an APB on him,” Clint explained as he guided you to a computer.  
Dr. Volkov’s face was frozen on the screen. It was blurry and hard to see, but you knew it was him. You’d know those rat like features anywhere. Bucky wrapped his arms around your shoulders, setting his head on top of yours. You placed your hands on his arms, leaning into him, your eyes remaining on the screen.  
“How long would it take to get there?” You asked. Clint shrugged, pursing his lips, his brow furrowing. That was his thinking face and he made it quite often.  
“About 2 hours if we left now.” he answered. You glanced at Your Soldier for a moment before turning back to Clint.  
“Then let's get going.”  
-  
You and Bucky both quickly changed into your “mission clothes” as Tony liked to call them. He had promised you’d wear them fairly often after everything with HYDRA started to mellow out. Your suit was very similar to the one you’d worn with HYDRA. Black leather, long sleeved and surprisingly easy to move in. Natasha had told you it was very similar to hers, but with adjustments to match your needs.  
Bucky met you at one of the team’s quinjets along with Clint, Sam, and Steve. You all boarded and Clint climbed in the pilot’s seat. The jet flew off and you instantly began to internally panic. You were about to face Volkov, the man who destroyed your life. The team had tried to convince you that you didn’t need to kill him. That you should lock him in a cell and let him rot, but you couldn’t. You just couldn’t. He needed to pay. To suffer.  
You sat curled up to Bucky the majority of the ride. Him and Steve exchanged a few words, explaining the plan for when they got there. You kept your gaze on the floor, fiddling with your fingers and occasionally making Sam sneeze. He would send you playful dirty glares from across the aisle, shaking his head.  
Bucky took your hand in his metal one and began tapping rhythmic patterns on your palm, his blue eyes watching your face closely. _I. Love. You._ A grin formed on your face and your eyes widened slightly. You began to recite the phrase back when Clint landed the jet with a thud, sending you and the other boys bouncing in your seats.  
“Sorry about that folks,” Clint smirked, walking out from the front, grabbing his bow from where it was held in his weapons container. As far as you could tell, each team member had one. Sam put on his wings and Steve grabbed his shield.  
“Let’s go capture ourselves a psychotic doctor,” Sam spoke as you headed off the jet.

-  


Clint had parked near an abandoned warehouse where Volkov was supposedly hiding. Sam was flying over the building, figuring out if he could see on the inside. That sinister feeling was in the air, the one he brought with him wherever he went. Sam’s words filled the lense of the glasses you were wearing, telling you that there were about 30 hostiles in the building, including the doctor.  
You and Bucky made your way to the far entrance, waiting for your cue to go in. Bucky grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze before pushing the doors open with his back and firing into the room. You walked through the guards, dropping them like flies as you moved past, and straight up to Volkov, sending him to the ground contorting in pain.  
From the corner of your eye, you could see Bucky fighting off agents and Sam, Steve and Clint near the entrance, dealing with more HYDRA goons that seemed to be coming from every direction. You held your hand out towards them, causing half off them collapsed, all while your eyes remained on the thrashing figure in front of you.  
You whipped your head towards the doors as they slammed shut, locking out the boys, leaving just you and Your Soldier. Bucky finished off the last guard and turned to you, then looking over your shoulder at a now standing Volkov.  
“What did you do?” he demanded, only to be ignored. You turned back to the doctor, anger boiling inside you, holding both of the boys still so no one could move to stop you.  
“It’s been a while my dear,” he cooed, a twisted smile filling his face. Your fingers twitched and he grimaced, his beady eyes narrowing. “You’re here about your family aren’t you? They were pathetic.” You squeezed your fist and he instantly fell to his knees, blood trickling from his eyes and nose.  
“They died screaming,” he hissed, baring his teeth. You clenched your hand harder and his mouth opened in a cry, blood spilling from between his teeth. You grabbed his shirt, pulling him up, tightening your fist even more.  
You could feel the vibrations of Bucky’s shouts behind you but you couldn’t look at him. He would try to stop you and you couldn’t let him do that, but then it hit you square in the chest like a hammer. You were acting just like Volkov, the monster you dreaded. You immediately released your hold, stumbling back.  
His blood-filled mouth formed a grotesque smile and his black eyes flickered to the side of the warehouse. You followed his gaze, spotting a small box stuck to the side of the wall with Bucky standing just a few yards from it. Your eyes widened in realization and you quickly sprinted to him, screaming unvoiced warnings. He stared at you, a perplexed expression on his face as he saw the terror on yours, his eyes looking between you and Volkov.  
You pushed him out of the way just as the building began to shake. There was a bright explosion of light and you and Bucky were flying through the air, and then there was just darkness.

-  


When Bucky was finally came to his senses, he saw you lying a few feet from him, your body writhing in pain. He crawled over to you, unable to stand due to what he presumed was a broken leg.  
"Y/N," he whispered, finally being able to get a good look at you. Your hands clutched your blood covered torso. “Oh god.. Y/N!” He screamed, pulling you into his arms, eliciting a silent scream from your blood stained lips. His eyes traveled to your hands. The shrapnel had ripped your stomach apart. Your stared up at his face, the pain rushing over you in overwhelming waves, you felt as if you were drowning in it.  
“Stay with me. Oh god, please stay with me. I love you so much,” he whispered through tears. You could only figure out a few of the words he spoke, but you knew what he was trying to say. You tried so hard to respond, to hold him close and tell what you always did, that it would be okay, but all you could seem to do was grit your teeth against the pain.  
“Steve and the others will be here soon, please just hold on. You can’t leave me.” He stuttered, trying to stop the bleeding and hold onto your thrashing body still at the same time.  
You had one of the strongest tolerances to pain he’d ever seen, and the fact that you couldn’t stop ‘screaming’ and crying, broke his heart even more than it had already been.. He knew with an injury like this you wouldn’t be able to make it long, but he had to have faith you would. He had too.

-  


It felt like hours before your body finally began to still, your cries becoming whimpers, dark spotting starting to crowd your vision.  
“No, no Y/N, doll, please hold on. They’ll get to us, I promise you,” He glanced towards the barrier of rubble blocking the exit. He could hear people shouting behind it, “Just a little longer, you can make it, I know you can.”  
You slowly raised your hand, pain ricocheting through you. You brushed the tears from his face, resting your hand on his cheek. Shakily you began to tap on his cheek. _I...love...you...too_ He closed his eyes, putting his hand over yours. He tried to smile but it turned into sob. He tapped the phrase back quickly.  
_I’m sorry, I’m so sorry._ You mouthed, blood dribbling from your lips, a final few tears leaking from your eyes. _Sign to me._ You tapped, sure you were missing a few letters, but at this point you couldn’t tell. Thankfully, he understood the message. As best as he could, he began to sing to you through sign.

 _You are my sunshine_ , he started with a shaky hand, his other one still holding you close. You blearily focused your eyes on his lips, which were forming the words as well.

 _My only sunshine_ , the remnants of a smile still hanged from your lips and your eyes staying open less and less with each blink.

 _You make me happy_ , Your Soldier’s tears spilled onto your cheeks. 

_When skies are gray_ , he barely managed to sign ‘gray’, but he had to hold it together. For you.

 _You’ll never know dear_ , your gaze shifted onto his hand.

 _How much I love you_ , your breathing slowed to barely even there.

 _Please don’t take my sunshine away_ , Bucky’s voice cracked and then, that was it. You slipped away. Your eyes staring into nothing, unspoken words still waiting to be said.  
His first hard sob wracked through his body, echoing off the rubble. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to him. Shuddering and shaking and barely able to breathe through his cries.  
You were gone and your Soldier, you metal-armed man, your friend, your rock, your Bucky felt like he was gone too.


End file.
